


Gifted

by wildfrancium



Series: Neon Lights [8]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Exy (All For The Game), M/M, Murder Mystery, Panic Attacks, Part 3, Sci-Fi Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2020-06-27 07:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19785943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildfrancium/pseuds/wildfrancium
Summary: Someone is dead and no one knows who did it. Now with the police suspicious and Neil's old life catching up with him, he's starting to sweat. What might have been his salvation could turn into a death sentence if Neil is found out.Part 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LOL I have no self control and couldn't wait a few more hours until the weekend.
> 
> So let's kick this off! Enjoy part 3!
> 
> Warning panic attacks.

In short, Neil was pretty sure he was malfunctioning. After seeing the news, Neil felt so many emotions at once that he couldn’t even begin to process them.

Wymack called an emergency meeting at court that started with heavy silence and pacing.

Everyone looked worried; Jean looked like he’d been sick, Kevin looked terrible and Nicky looked worried.

Wymack finally stopped pacing and looked directly at Andrew and then at Neil. “I’m only going to ask this once,” he said in a low voice. “And I only want the truth,” he said and paused.

Neil knew what was coming and was pleased to know Andrew had been a dead weight against his back all night. 

“Did either of you do it?” Wymak asked. 

“No,” Andrew said flatly and Neil shook his head. 

Wymack seemed to deflate. He scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “Inside told me they are going after you anyway,” he said to Andrew. 

Neil felt cold rush through him. “He was nowhere near Riko!” Neil shouted at Wymack who held up a hand.

“I know that! I’m just warning you,” he said and then looked to Kevin and then Jean. “Neither of you are to go near anyone associated with the Ravens. If either of you are invited to the funeral, then me and Abby will escort you assuming you can handle it.”

Kevin nodded, but Jean just looked paler. 

“Dan is on damage control with Matt, Renee, Nicky, and Allison. They are the only ones allowed to speak to the press. Everyone else isn’t allowed to leave their houses until further notice,” he said and Neil looked at the floor.

He and Andrew were headed down to the lower level to see if the dogs knew anything. They knew it’d ping the police when Andrew used his ID, but Andrew, for the first time ever, actually full out yelled that Neil wasn’t going alone.

It had startled Neil, but he’d agreed.

He never wanted to hear the worry in Andrew’s voice again.

“We also can’t think about playoffs,” Wymack continued. “I’m setting up schedules for training camp and pre-season. With these games canceled, they are trying to work out pre-season games as filler. Jean is still going to the Trojans, but not until August if police clear the transfer.”

“I thought Andrew was the only one suspect,” Dan said and Wymack shrugged.

“It’s rumored but I’ve been told that sending Jean off without the permission would be suspicious. Nicky is his alibi but they could very well think Nicky’s connection to Andrew makes him untrustworthy. Basically it’s a shitfest,” Wymack said with another sighed.

Neil realized the fact that the Upper Ring didn’t run surveillance cameras on homes made things even worse. He’d always been somewhere the cameras were watching.

If eyes weren’t already.

Wymack rubbed his eyes. “Okay, you can all go. Just tell me if anything suspicious happens and don’t do anything stupid,” he added looking directly at Neil. “If they make an arrest, let them. Don’t get shot because of it.”

They all knew he meant when they arrested Andrew.

Or tried to.

The thought made Neil sick.

They took the long way to midtown. Kevin said nothing when they sent him with Aaron and Nicky. 

Neil’s attempt at cover was to tell Kevin he should spend time with Jean, but from the look on Nicky’s face Neil knew that he knew they weren’t heading home.

But Nicky was quiet.

So was Aaron even when Katelyn tried to talk to him. Neil had seen the fear flicker across his face when it was mentioned that they should prepare for Andrew’s arrest. 

Aaron was the only one who had seen Andrew in jail. Nicky had said when Aaron learned about Andrew, he visited Andrew in juvie even though walking in high off his ass was terrifying.

Nicky said Aaron didn’t really talk about it although he’d called Nicky to tell him about Andrew even though he was sure Andrew hated him.

Nicky didn’t need to say Aaron would probably spiral out of control if Andrew went to jail.

The car ride was silent as they went to midtown. Neil held his breath as they went through the gate, but no alarms sounded as they processed Andrew’s ID.

The high walls were always intimidating, but the way the sun caught the metal felt almost sinister. 

They were the walls that locked them inside.

Caged them in life all thanks to the Moriyama’s.

It was time to pull out the contacts again. Whoever made a move against Riko could easily make a move against them.

Riko had also known who Neil was which meant people from his old life could show up and he needed to be ready. 

They couldn’t be caught unaware.

They parked and got out to wait to get through the lower level gate. 

Neil felt as if all eyes were on them. Bots were on the midtown side, but real police waited to catch them going through the gate.

He’d get through no matter what, but the thought of Andrew’s ID setting off alarms had Neil nearly hyperventilating. 

A buzzer went off while they were in line and Neil froze.

He’d seen those eight story walls light up before. 

He’d seen them plastered with notices and wanted posters. 

He had spent his whole life looking into the dead eyes of the criminals who had their pictures plastered on the walls as he and his mom slipped through.

But he wasn’t ready.

All the air left his lungs as words flashed all along the walls as far as the eye could see.

WANTED FOR SUSPICION OF MURDER

And then it was four pictures. Four pictures for miles and miles and miles.

First Jean.

Then Kevin.

Then Andrew.

And then Neil.

Neil dropped to his knees, world going fuzzy and dim. He was vaguely aware that he wasn’t really breathing.

His chest felt too tight and the air too thin.

Hands were holding his face.

There was hot breath on his skin and words screamed in his ear.

But it was most definitely all over.

He briefly hoped he’d die right there.

Suffocate and not have to deal with the fact that they knew.

And it really was game over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next four chapters might seem a little weird because they are going to be formatted at an interview between the investigator and one suspect. So first up is Kevin. Then Jean, Andrew, and then kneel. I am a big fan of a series called the Illuminae Files and always kind of wanted to write something as if you are an investigator. So I hope you enjoy even though these chapters aren't what they normally right. They're still important but only these next four chapters will be like this.
> 
> Warning for implied forced consent in sexual situations.

THE FOLLOWING IS A TYPED DOCUMENT OF THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN DAY, KEVIN AND INVESTIGATOR THOMAS, PIERRE. 

DAY, KEVIN

42146

PALMETTO - UR

PALMETTO PD

THOMAS, PIERRE

1500 HRS

THOMAS: I am Investigator Thomas and I am the lead investigator in Riko Moriyama’s murder case. We are in the process of compiling evidence and regarding what we have so far, we have some questions. Starting with the restraining order from Judge Alvero signed two years ago. It stated the no Raven personnel were to approach you outside of games and during games you were to have limited contact. Did you feel this was upheld?

DAY: Yes.

THOMAS: Even when approached after the Fox game which was a direct violation of the restraining order?

DAY: He was going for Jean.

THOMAS: Are you aware that Moreau also has the same restraining order?

DAY: Yes.

THOMAS: When you say he was going for Moreau, what did you mean?

Day: ………..

THOMAS: We have had access to Moriyama’s harddrives. How long were you physically involved with Moriyama?

DAY: I don’t know.

THOMAS: Was it consensual? 

DAY: …………. yes.

THOMAS: How long were you physically involved with Moreau?

DAY: Seven years. I didn’t like him, but I cared about him.

THOMAS: Was it consensual? 

DAY: …………. Yes.

THOMAS: Was it at the request of Moriyama?

DAY: ………. Orders not requests.

THOMAS: All of it?

DAY: Yes.

THOMAS: The restraining order lists physical abuse and brainwashing as other issues. Before your hand, did Moriyama hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally?

DAY: Yes.

THOMAS: Were you afraid of him hurting you that night?

DAY: No, he was going for Jean.

THOMAS: What do you mean by that? How do you know he was going for Jean?

DAY: Jean was always weaker and second to me. With me gone, he got Riko’s undivided attention. He was 3. 

THOMAS: What do you mean 3?

DAY: I was 2. Jean was 3 and Neil was 4. 

THOMAS: Would you say Moriyama was violent?

DAY: Yes.

THOMAS: Were you aware of Andrew Minyard’s violent juvenile and adult records and that he was in a juvenile detention center for violent assault and battery? And he was placed on medication after a violent assault a few years ago? Were you aware that his dose was upped after assaulting Moreau last year?

DAY: Yes to all of that.

THOMAS: Has Minyard ever been violent to you or threatened you?

DAY: No.

THOMAS: Has Neil Josten?

DAY: No.

THOMAS: Have you ever taken part in illegal activity at Josten or Minyard’s request?

DAY: No I’m just here to play Exy.

THOMAS: In the case for the restraining order you stated that Moriyama tried to take Exy away from you. What did you mean by this?

DAY: When he broke my hand. He didn't want me to play anymore. He didn't want me to surpass him.

THOMAS: Was he threatening you that night after your playoff game because you have been playing well?

DAY: No. He was there for Jean. Only Jean.

THOMAS: You said you cared about Moreau, so if Moriyama was threatening him that night at the playoff game was that enough to make you kill Moriyama?

  
  
FINAL NOTES: No confession but suspects motive is very high.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going camping for a week, so I'll leave you with another chapter aka Jean's interview. (especially because these interviews are super short) ENJOY!

THE FOLLOWING IS A TYPED DOCUMENT OF THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN MOREAU, JEAN AND INVESTIGATOR THOMAS, PIERRE. 

MOREAU, JEAN

42147

PALMETTO - UR

PALMETTO PD

THOMAS, PIERRE

1600 HRS

THOMAS: Alright, I am Investigator Thomas and I’m leading the investigation in Riko Moriyama’s murder. We are in the process of compiling evidence and regarding what we have so far, we have some questions. Your psych evaluation listed you as stable enough to be interviewed for this case. They said that you felt the terms of the restraining order were upheld even though you were made aware of the direct violation. According to the records, while you still have yet to seek psychological therapy, you have been reported to have had very few psychotic episodes in the last year and none of them were violent. You have also not shown violent behavior towards Neil Josten which would have resulted in your immediate arrest.

I have been told that while I may proceed to ask you questions regarding your relationship with Moriyama, the questions are similar to those in the psych evaluation. This interview is standard as we are gathering information on the four of you who are suspect and arrested. 

Your psych evaluation already stated that you do are not in a place mentally to do harm to Moriyama, but we still want to conduct this interview for our records. Is there anything you would like to say before we begin?

MOREAU: ……….

THOMAS: Alright well, we have it on record that you were physically involved with Moriyama. Is it at all possible his death was because of this involvement?

MOREAU: …………..

THOMAS: We also have it on record that Moriyama was violent and abusive towards you. Was he threatening you that night?

MOREAU: No.

THOMAS: Did he threaten Kevin Day or Neil Josten?

MOREAU: Neil provokes him.

THOMAS: Was Josten threatening Moriyama?

MOREAU: I couldn’t hear them. 

THOMAS: They were right next to you.

MOREAU: Riko said not to listen to the conversation..

THOMAS: So you didn’t listen?

MOREAU: He said not to and to only listen to him. He didn’t want to make the same mistake again.

THOMAS: What mistake?

MOREAU: Listening to people that weren’t him.

THOMAS: Who did you listen to?

MOREAU: The dogs when they said stop and Andrew when he said I could die there or stand behind him. 

THOMAS: We aren’t going to go into that, but I’m curious as to why trade one violence for another?

MOREAU: Kevin always said take the option that won’t kill you even if you want to die. Andrew never touched me after that day. Even when I got too close to Neil.

THOMAS: Do you know what Moriyama wanted with Josten?

MOREAU: Riko exploits the weak points. Andrew is the best goalie in years and would dismiss Riko’s offers so he got angry with Andrew.

THOMAS: Did Moriyama tell you to do anything that night after the playoff game?

MOREAU: He said it was time to kill Neil and then Andrew and then Kevin showed up and I couldn’t listen. 

THOMAS: Did Day hear Moriyama? Or did you tell him or Minyard?

MOREAU: Yes.

THOMAS: Did Day tell Josten or Minyard?

MOREAU: I don’t know.

  
  


FINAL NOTES: Possible motives but was cleared by psych. Moriyama still has too much power over Moreau for him to take violent action. It took psych 30 minutes to work around brainwashing put in place by Moriyama. 

Psych listed clear loyalties to Day but were surprised to see him show loyalty to Josten and Minyard. Insisted that neither of them committed the murder but was shaken by Josten’s behavior and anger in the holding cell.

Went easy with police as long as he could see Day who was stated as offering him reassurance that things were okay. 

Was clearly very upset the first few times Moriyama’s death was mentioned but it turned into behavior that worried the psych team and on his release they want him on mandatory supervision and therapy. Failure to do so or comply will result in hospitalization.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back so here is Andrew's interview! I'll try to have Neil's done soon since the interviews are short. 
> 
> ALSO Andrew might seem weird in this chapter but he is playing the part of psychotic monster so that no one thinks he might be off his meds.
> 
> Enjoy!

THE FOLLOWING IS A TYPED DOCUMENT OF THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN MINYARD, ANDREW AND INVESTIGATOR THOMAS, PIERRE. 

MINYARD, ANDREW

42149

PALMETTO - UR

PALMETTO PD

THOMAS, PIERRE

1700 HRS

THOMAS: Good evening Mr. Minyard. While I have never worked with you, I have taken time to review all your records and case files in detail. While you were not seen with Riko Moriyama at the Foxhole Court, your violent background and actions and accusations surrounding the Josten case last May, you have been labeled highly suspicious in this case.

Your case was reviewed and your dosage was increased. You were made aware the drug could cause irrational behavior.

Have you ever threatened to harm Moriyama?

MINYARD: To his face?

THOMAS: At all.

MINYARD: Not sure. 

THOMAS: You realize noncompliance could lead to us further holding you and possibly violating your current court orders leading to jail time.

MINYARD: Yeah, yeah, yeah let’s move past the threats. I didn’t kill him. None of the Foxes did but I know numerous people are upset they didn’t get to see his face when the killing shot was delivered.

THOMAS: Have you killed anyone Mr. Minyard?

MINYARD: I thought you read my files Pierre? No, I have unfortunately not killed anyone.

THOMAS: We have it on record that you said you wished you could kill Moriyama after what he did you Neil Josten.

MINYARD: Wanted to, didn’t get the chance. I just said that. But at least someone killed that sick fuck. But I bet they are lining your pockets so you’ve got to pin it on someone. I happen to be the lucky bastard with the right MO.

THOMAS: Were you aware of the information Moriyama had on Josten?

MINYARD: I’ll take your silence as I’m right and Neil said Riko knew something. He didn’t know how much. He was real worried though since Riko already tried to kill him. Something that even with blatant evidence got pushed aside Pierre. Mind telling me why?

THOMAS: And you didn’t kill Moriyama before it got out?

MINYARD: You really are no fun. I thought about killing him sure. I’m sure everyone has but he was dead before I could do it myself. And the information got out anyway. We saw it all over the news on the way in. A bunch of dirty laundry to make all of us guilty.

THOMAS: With Josten’s background is it possible he killed Moriyama to keep him quiet?

MINYARD: If it hasn’t been horribly apparent Neil has balls but he doesn’t have it in him to find a gun and lure Riko out of town in mere hours to kill him. He’s had an entire year to act but his drug is Exy and he needed Riko to play. With how much he loves the game he wouldn’t have offed Riko in the beginning. We all wanted that win; to pound Riko and the Ravens into the ground on the court. But all of that aside I know for a fact that Neil was with me all night. We were spooning all night. Naked.

THOMAS: Thank you Mr. Minyard. Psych would like to evaluate you before further steps are taken.

  
  


FINAL NOTES: My final conclusion is that even though he has the right violent background, he probably can’t hold it together to do it quietly. In all his other cases he willingly admitted to what he did. Even if he was protecting Josten right now, I don’t think he’s capable of not bragging about what he’s done.

If his psych review comes back suspicious, he will be brought back in for further questions. All his other case files labelled him as dangerous so he might be held anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the long awaited Neil interview to finish up this portion so we can get back to regular scheduled programming haha enjoy!

THE FOLLOWING IS A TYPED DOCUMENT OF THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN JOSTEN, NEIL AND INVESTIGATOR THOMAS, PIERRE. 

JOSTEN, NEIL

42148

PALMETTO - UR

PALMETTO PD

THOMAS, PIERRE

1700 HRS

THOMAS: And we saved the best for last. As you know, we are compiling information on possible suspects in the murder of Riko Moriyama. While you have been screaming your innocence, your background paints a different picture. So between you and me, did you kill Riko Moriyama?

JOSTEN: No!

THOMAS: I have already told you to stop yelling Mr. Josten. Now, your father, Nathan Wesninski, was a well known assassin charged for over 50 deaths of high ranking personnel upon his death four years ago. Your mother, Mary Hatford, was from a prominent British mob family. While it wasn’t reported, you and your mother disappeared when you were 14 and you showed up again a year ago at 21 to legally change your name to Neil Josten. What were you doing for 7 years?

JOSTEN: Running from my psycho father.

THOMAS: Why didn’t you go to the police?

JOSTEN: Is that really a question? He was on Moriyama payroll. You’re on Moriyama payroll!

THOMAS: Mr. Josten sit down! We are not going over that again. Our division is paid by the government. We are discussing important business and your desire to derail the conversation only serves to make you look guilty and like you are hiding something.

JOSTEN: How many times do I have to say I didn’t do it?! I should have after the shit regarding the trial in May. I see the file right there. Did you see those pictures? That should be what is making you suspicious! Not my stupid family!

THOMAS: Where is your mother then? Did you go to her family?

JOSTEN: Do you really think I’d be here if we did?! Her and my dad killed each other in a shoot out four years ago. His death was all over the news and I burnt her dead body up and ran okay? There’s no one else. She has no connection to her family after aligning herself with the wrong people.

THOMAS: Who were the wrong people?

JOSTEN: The fucking Moriyama’s. 

THOMAS: Did you think of killing Riko Moriyama as possible revenge?

JOSTEN: Revenge for my parents? Fuck no. I’m glad my dad is dead. Better off without that sick fuck. I literally told you we were running from him. Riko didn’t know I had any connection to the Moriyama’s.

THOMAS: Until recently. All this information was dumped off his hard drives.

JOSTEN: If he knew anything he told me recently. Probably with intent to blackmail me to do his bidding like off myself for his amusement.

THOMAS: Why do you think he’d do that?

JOSTEN: I literally have Property of Riko Moriyama carved into my chest!

THOMAS: Sit down and we have pictures. Regarding that, was it enough to motivate revenge?

JOSTEN: No. It was motivation to shit on him on the Court though. He wanted all of us but we were just out of reach.

THOMAS: Us?

JOSTEN: The four suspects, duh.

THOMAS: And what if he carved it into Andrew Minyard? He’s the only one Moriyama didn’t touch. What if he went after Minyard?

JOSTEN: ……………

THOMAS: The way you are seething speaks volumes. 

JOSTEN: If he had touched Andrew than I would have killed him right there on the court with my bare hands.

THOMAS: Did he threaten Andrew Minyard that night?

JOSTEN: No only me.

THOMAS: What did he say?

JOSTEN: He knew my birth name so I presumed he knew who my dad was.

THOMAS: What did you do after that?

JOSTEN: Immediately told Andrew and went home.

  
  


FINAL NOTES: Right motive and background. Extremely tense and volatile especially regarding Minyard, Andrew. Was considered for sedation before interview due to anger and is scheduled for a thorough drug testing. No history with police or arrest, but his family was paying Baltimore police off while they were alive.

Mothers death will be looked into. Nothing has been reported on her since she disappeared with a large sum of money. While her family pinged the servers, there was nothing about her being involved in any crimes. One article regarding her marriage to Wesninski quoted a friend saying she was an important asset to her new husband but that could mean anything. Most people suggest he was just happy to fuck a pretty girl.

Family connections and past will be looked into even though it was stated his father liked to butcher people and Moriyama was killed by gunshot execution style. 

Preliminary searches brought up nothing for what Josten or Hartford were doing the last seven years. Moriyama’s hard drives had nothing.

Josten and Minyard will be closely monitored as two psychos together is alarming and if they didn’t commit this crime, they are definitely planning something.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of a bridge to training camp fun!! Enjoy!

They were released at the 36 hour mark with a long list of probation terms even though no one was being charged with anything. Apparently the police still needed to compile evidence but to Neil it sounded more like “we need to create evidence to pin on you”.

Neil made sure not to touch anything and leave fingerprints. Kevin and Andrew followed suit but not even French got a response from Jean. His dead eyes had stared at the wall even when Neil was yelling and threatening various people.

Jean moved like a robot when they called him and only when he was gone did Kevin voice how worried he was for Jean. Andrew said he’d take care of it, whatever that meant.

Things were slightly different in the upper ring and police couldn’t have or run fingerprints unless the person was actually a convicted felon. The fact that Andrew’s fingerprints were in his files made Neil worry more. 

Their IDs all were being tracked, except Neil whose ID wasn’t traceable and he briefly worried it made him look guiltier but he was quickly distracted by Andrew getting his dose of medicine.

Neil was very good at strategically loosing it so that the medicine could be disposed of.

Wymack picked them up and took them to court for a private meeting. For the first half hour everyone sat in the lounge watching Wymack pace. 

Neil was so tired that it was finally drowning out his panic and the police seemed to have no idea what Neil had been up to in his years on the run. As long as that trail remained cold he was pretty sure he could handle it. 

Wymack scrubbed a hand over his face and stopped in front of them with a heavy sigh. “Well this is some fucking shit,” he said. “There are travel holds on your IDs except for fancypants Neil,” he said with a raised eyebrow. Neil just shrugged, too tired to get into it at that moment. 

“So what does that mean?” Kevin asked with a frown. 

“You can’t go back and forth,” Wymack said. “There are apartments here that we will set up.”

“No,” Andrew said and Wymack ignored him.

“At the end of the summer, the holds lift for the season assuming no one is convicted of anything. My inside says they are mostly looking at Andrew and Neil even though psych cleared Andrew that’s apparently not enough,” Wymack said and Neil wanted to be sick. Andrew let out a bitter laugh. 

“What about training camp and Jean!” Kevin demanded. 

“I have already talked to the Trojans Coach and they agreed to host their camp here. Everyone allowed in will be personally vetted. Jean will go through camp as a Trojan and their captain has offered to come out a week earlier and towards the end of the summer in preparation of Jean going out there. He can go when the hold lifts.”

“When is the funeral?” Jean asked, startling everyone.

“Tomorrow,” Wymack said. “But you’re not allowed to attend. No one is,” Wymack added and it looked like he personally shot Jean. 

Wymack looked at his watch. “Make a list of what you want brought here and we will bring it when everyone is awake,” he said.

“Only Nicky can go in my room and touch my stuff,” Andrew said and Wymack nodded.

“Betsy is on a plane,” Wymack said to Andrew. “For all of you,” he said but Neil saw the way he glanced at Jean. 

Jean did not look good. He hadn’t since they got the news and even though Neil had been losing it in jail, the way Jean seemed to fade didn’t go unnoticed. 

“I’ll show you the apartment,” Wymack said glancing at his watch again. “It’s a suite with four rooms.”

The apartments were usually rented out to donors and sponsors during the season. Neil hadn’t ever seen them and had even forgot they existed. He didn’t feel safe in Uptown though. He didn’t know where he’d feel safe, but a different apartment was definitely not it.

The suite was spacious, but Anndrew didn’t give Neil time to look around or even say bye to Wymack. He grabbed Neil’s sleeve and pulled him into the nearest bedroom. 

Andrew slammed the door, locked it, and barely made it to the toilet before puking his guts out. 

Neil wanted to go to Andrew and comfort him, go to him and tell him it would somehow be okay. But instead he sat in the doorway to the adjoining bathroom and talked.

As exhausted as he was, Neil didn’t sleep. 

Neil was lying down next to Andrew who finally lost the battle with exhaustion after he showered and Neil washed Andrew’s clothes and all the bedding. 

Andrew was asleep on his stomach with his face crushed into the pillow but facing Neil. it felt creepy, but he kind of liked watching Andrew sleep. Especially wrapped in the hoodie Neil had been wearing.

He heard Wymack open the door and heard a new voice. He couldn’t hear the words, but figured it was Betsy. He assumed she was taking over for Wymack and debated leaving to talk to Wymack.

Neil wanted to hear that it was all going to be okay even if it was a bold faced lie.

He tried to find it in him to regret his choices that lead to the police wanting to convict him of a crime he didn’t commit but he couldn't He didn’t regret a single thing. The only thing Neil would regret is that he didn’t get more time with Andrew. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! 
> 
> Warning for a lot of discussion of eating/not eating at the beginning of the chapter.

The only benefit of living at the stadium was that Neil could practice with Kevin during off hours. Everything else was literal shit.

Neil had thought the worst would end with the funeral but every news site was flooded with conspiracy theories and “insider information” about how the Foxes did it.

The internet was full of people itching to murder Andrew for revenge to the point of those threats forcing the police to admit that currently, the Foxes weren’t high on their suspet list.

Andrew said it didn’t bother him, but Neil worried. Andrew went to regular practice and tagged along with Kevin and Neil, but other than that he sat in front of the TV in their room saying nothing and watching endless game shows for hours and hours. 

Andrew slept a little better after a month, but most days he didn’t eat enough even when Neil made special things for him that weren’t on their diet plan or whatever Kevin called it.

Kevin did anything to be at the stadium and not the apartment. Looking at Jean made him feel guilty, but Jean seemed to have some kind of breakthrough with Betsy because he started joining Neil in the kitchen to make food for himself.

The worked in silence around each other but Neil didn’t mind. Jeremy was going to arrive in a few hours and Jean willing to leave his room was a good sign.

Neil slipped into his dark bedroom with lunch. Wymack already said he expected them at dinner with Jeremy and the Trojans coach in the conference room later so Neil dumped two protein packets into Andrew’s macaroni and cheese hoping he’d eat it because he definitely wouldn’t eat later. 

A bite of bagel for breakfast wasn’t going to cut it. 

“I brought you lunch,” Neil said sitting on the floor next to Andrew. The blue glow made him look sickly which Neil promptly ignored and held out the bowl to Andrew. He thankfully took it.

Neil slowly at his own food.

“I’m tired, Neil,” Andrew said not turning from the TV but eating. Cheese seemed to be a good motivator if Neil couldn’t smoother something in chocolate. 

Neil tried to evaluate which answer Andrew was looking for. They were all so many kinds of tired.

“I am going to take a nap,” he said before Neil could answer so Neil only nodded. 

“I was going to stay here until later,” Neil told him, glad to see Andrew still eating. He was fine on the court, but off of it he was fading. He retreated into himself no matter how hard Neil tried to keep him from going.

Andrew talked with Bee and she didn’t see alarmed but Neil felt like he was losing his hold on Andrew...

Andrew set down his empty bowl and turned to Neil. “Only touch my hair,” Andrew said pulling his hood up and curling up so that his head was on Neil’s thigh. 

Neil was so startled he almost dropped his lunch on Andrew but then his shock switched to such heavy relief Neil almost cried. 

Andrew wore Aaron’s Fox sweatshirt which Neil had asked Nicky for. Andrew hadn’t expressed any sort of concern for his brother, but stuck away from Aaron, Neil knew the worry was buried away somewhere.

Especially when the death threats started and Neil knew Andrew knew someone could easily mistake Aaron for him.

Neil placed a hand on top of Andrew’s head. It was the most contact Neil had had with Andrew since they’d been arrested. 

And Neil shoved food in his mouth before he really did start crying. 

Wymack made a very loud entrance to the apartment, jerking Andrew awake, but Neil was almost grateful to stretch his stiff limbs.

Jeremy was early. 

Everyone but Jean was in the living room and proper introductions were given before Jeremy launched into how training camp was normally run.

“I was hoping we’d get some time in today before dinner,” Jeremy said immediately speaking Kevin’s language. “I figured just us strikers and I can take you through our rotation and if you want to add any drills you can. Strikers from six other teams are going to join us but we’ve all worked together for training camp before,” Jeremy said and Kevin nodded. It went unsaid, but they all knew he was asking if Kevin wanted to add in any Raven drills. He’d taught them to Neil, but Neil doubted the other teams had as many rigorous drills as the Ravens had.

No Raven had ever gone to a different team before Kevin went to the Foxes. Their training style was only speculation, but even without Riko, Kevin had a chance to level the playing field by showing others how the Ravens trained. 

“Let’s go down,” Kevin said and Jeremy nodded with a smile. They headed out with Andrew following and in the elevator Jeremy turned to him and asked if he was going to play with them.

Wymack wasn’t around to make Andrew not be rude though and Neil wasn’t going to apologize when Andrew ignored Jeremy and headed to the stadium doors, bypassing the locker room entrance. 

“This way,” Kevin said and held their HOME locker room door open. Neil wasn’t surprised to see the Trojan bag waiting for them when they headed to their lockers.

“Full or light?” Jeremy asked. 

“Light than full,” Neil answered as he changed. When the locker room was full he tended to use the bathroom, but with a row to himself, he no longer felt inclined. 

They’d gotten new uniforms for training camp. They were all white with each participating team logo in the front left corner with TRAINING CAMP in bold letters on the front. The back had last names and regular season numbers. 

No one had brought up the obvious Jean changing numbers conversation yet and Neil found he was even dreading it. There was a deep attachment to a number. Just like 10 was his and Neil would be damned if someone tried to take it away.

They went through warm ups before fully suiting up. Neil listened to Kevin and Jeremy discuss logistics. At training camp, there’d be more bodies than a regulation team so certain things would be split up by position and others by team. Scrimmages would rotate the teams but other scrimmages would be done with mixes of players.

Andrew hadn’t answered when Neil asked if he planned on participating, but if he did Neil doubted he’d play for players that weren’t Foxes. Neil figured they’d cross that bridge when they got to it though.

For as much as Neil had improved and learned to hold his own, watching Jeremy Knox practice in the flesh made Neil feel inadequate. He was used to the feeling when standing near Kevin, but in game it was easy to mask how bad he assumed he was.

Seeing Jeremy and Kevin practice together made Neil’s weak skills very apparent. 

And while Jeremy was all words of encouragement to Neil, Kevin just looked at him with one of two expressions; boredom or irritation. 

Neil knew Kevin was composing a lecture to give to Neil to undo anything Jeremy said during practice the moment they were alone in the apartment. 

Andrew handed Neil a water bottle when a break was called. Neil and Kevin said nothing about seeing Andrew suited up and ready to go, but Jeremy expressed his excitement.

“I just want to see how you score,” Andrew said leaning on his racquet. Neil raised an eyebrow at him but Andrew said nothing until Jeremy was back on the court and then he turned to Neil. “He won’t get one in. For as good as he is, I’m better,” Andrew said and left Neil gaping.

Andrew suiting up to practice was one thing but Neil had never ever heard him say he was good at Exy. He bent over backwards to ignore people telling him he had talent and Neil watched him take his spot in goal admitting he really did have that talent. 

“What the actual fuck?” Neil muttered to himself as he went on the court as Kevin threatened laps. He felt like he’d fallen into another dimension. He always wanted Andrew to admit he was amazing, but he never thought it would actually happen.

Dazed, he took a spot by Kevin to watch Andrew attempt to shut Jeremy out. Whether he did or not, Neil was still in awe of his boyfriend and he was happy to know Andrew knew it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one knew Drake died at the New Years party expect a very small group of people aka not Jeremy.
> 
> Also the end of this chapter is called Andrew is jealous and knows Neil thought Jeremy was attractive once so he has to now be better than Jeremy. lol.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a little break but I'm back!!
> 
> Warning for brief mentions of handjobs and wanting to die. (but not at the same time)

Training camp was a new kind of hell Neil had decided. He’d special ordered new contacts out of paranoia and had assumed the AR readings would be the most annoying part of training camp.

But of course he was wrong.

The vetted participants in the training camp weren’t even the problem. They were polite to the Foxes and nothing was said about Riko or the Ravens. It was the fact that Neil was way out of his league.

Normally he had to strive to keep up with Kevin or at most, their smaller team. But during camp Neil had to keep pace with like a hundred of the top, seasoned players. 

Everyone was nice and encouraged him, except Kevin but Neil would have died of shock if he did. The other Captains were all eager to work with him, calling him raw talent to which Kevin rolled his eyes so hard Neil worried he’d hurt himself. And all he really had going for him was his speed and agility. Even in full armor, after taking checks and hits, Neil continued to excel in speed and agility.

But his scoring was weak and he was always at the end. Andrew said he wouldn’t play until Neil could make it worth his time. So Neil knew that meant never.

Andrew sat on the benches or in the empty stands zoning out while everyone gossiped about how good he was and Jeremy told everyone that Andrew blocked every shot he made that first night.

That night Neil hadn’t thought it was possible to be so turned on. Watching Andrew move with such grace and effortlessly block a top players shots did things to Neil. He also learned getting hard wearing a cup was super uncomfortable.

But even though Andrew appeared annoyed by his effect on Neil, he offered to help Neil out in the shower and Neil didn’t know Andrew’s hand could feel so good.

Andrew had some choice things to say to Neil after, but there was no heat or malice to his words and he’d kissed Neil after anyways.

Neil was trying not to be annoyed that training camp meant he had to share Kevin and work with a group of strikers. As fun as it was for all of ten minutes, he missed his one on one with Kevin.

It was like Wymack’s training partner idea all over again.

Neil glanced to Aaron with the backliners. Maybe it was because camp and practice were the only times he got to see Andrew, but he seemed less volatile. He moved through camp easily and took direction without argument. Neil had seen the twins talking but Andrew hadn’t shared what was being said.

There was a lot of Nicky looking between them and Neil though.

Jean was ready the day of the first half scrimmage. Neil was one of the few people that knew Jean and Jeremy had been talking a lot and practicing together in off hours. 

People were eager to see him with the Trojans on the court though. “He’s gonna do fine,” Jeremy said to Neil who was taping a bruised finger up. Neil looked up at him. Jeremy found as many chances to talk to Neil as possible after he noticed that doing so meant Andrew would perk up.

“Jean?” Neil asked and Jeremy nodded.

“He credits you although begrudgingly,” Jeremy said and frowned. “He said Kevin didn’t even have the balls but watching you stare down a cocked and loaded gun? He said he was envious. That he was free but still ensnared. He said he doesn’t remember much from being with the Ravens but after he said he wanted to die. But watching you smear your shit stained hands all over Riko made him angry enough to live. First to protect Riko and then to do it too. He wanted me to tell you all that. That somewhere along the lines the anger shifted to anger that he couldn’t be like you. But now you are both free,” Jeremy said with a smile.

“That’s kind of fucked up,” was all Neil said and Jeremy shrugged. 

“I’m starting to learn that’s the basis of all Foxes,” he said with a laugh and pulled his helmet on. “See you on the court,” he said and turned to look behind them and turned to smile at Neil and wink. “Right on time.”

Jeremy went onto the court and Neil turned to see Andrew headed toward him suited up. Neil shook his head and smiled. Jeremy Knox was good and Neil was NOT complaining.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been awhile. I 2as in kind of a writing slump but I think I'm getting back on track. Cheers!

Neil sat on the bench with Jeremy Knox watching the current scrimmage. Every time Neil zoned back out he went over the events of the last two years. He spent so much time learning, being invisible. He worked for his money changing his name and moving from city to city. He knew all the ways through the system and had been understanding that it was his life.

He’d known he wasn’t going to have more, wasn’t supposed to have more.

And yet last night at the banquet to end training camp, even if the next day was their last day, Neil won an award for MVP of the Foxes. It was an award voted on by the captains and coaches and while it was only training camp, it was another nail in Neil holding him down to a life he wanted and was starting to learn he deserved.

“Neil.” At the sound of his voice, Neil turned his head to Jean. Jeremy now stood a few feet away and nodded to Neil.

“What?” Neil asked. He knew the conversation was coming. Jean had already had a long talk with Kevin and had even attempted to apologize to Andrew. Which Andrew said he didn’t give a shit about, but Jean was encouraged by Betsy and if anything, Andrew understood healing. So after telling Jean he didn’t give a shit, he politely stood there while Jean talked.

“It has been a long road,” he said and Neil nodded along. Neil was still getting used to the red and gold. It wasn’t as weird as orange and white had been, but the color gave him life. He’d turned out exactly like Kevin.

Jean moved with the Trojans excellently. It probably helped that they were so high ranked, but when they stopped playing he got arrogant and pissy, immediately yelling about how people could do better. 

And while it was grating on some of the Trojans, they took it in stride because Jeremy seemed to find it hilarious. 

“I know you didn’t kill him,” Jean said and Neil knew it wasn’t appropriate to say he wished he had. “I don’t even really want to know who did,” Jean continued. “I don’t remember a lot of the past 10 years. Even everything that May is a blur. There were others like you and I just did as I was told so that I wouldn’t get hurt.”

Neil remembered his mother saying something similar. He got it, in theory, protecting oneself and all. He had never known how to do it though. 

“But I really wanted to just say I’ll enjoy playing against you in the fall,” he said and Neil nodded some more. In scrimmages Jean was like all the rest of them, a top player. He had height and weight on Neil but so did everyone else.

“That’s what makes  _ you _ fun to play against,” Jeremy had said to Neil before the banquet. “You stand out more than the Twin’s since you’re a striker. Andrew is amazing in goal, but it’s you that stands out. Kevin was a huge draw for playing against the Foxes but now the spotlight is on you.”

Neil looked back to Jeremy and now saw he stood with Andrew. Jeremy held his arm out to keep Andrew from advancing and had somehow picked up on the don’t touch Andrew rule.

“See you in the season Neil,” Jean said and stood nodding so that Andrew could take his seat. 

Andrew did and looked at Neil. 

“If you want to lean on me you can,” Andrew said softly. 

“Why?” Neil asked but leaned against him anyway. 

“You look tired,” Andrew said and Neil only grunted. He was tired. Physically and emotionally. “We can go home though,” Andrew said and Neil sat up staring at him.

“What?!” he exclaimed.

“Someone was convicted so we are free to go,” Andrew said and Neil nodded slowly. “The police have some questions for you though so you have to go in. Alone. They promised it wasn’t an arrest but…” Andrew trailed off and Neil pushed the looming memories of his father from his mind. 

“We get to go home?” he asked excitedly. Andrew gave Neil a bored look and Neil laughed. He leaned back against Andrew with a smile. “I’m glad we’re going home,” he said. He said nothing about the police questioning, didn't even want to think about it too much, he was just going to let it happen and think about how he and Andrew were going to sleep in their own bed that night.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I know it's been a very long time but I have been working on original fiction and in doing that I don't spend a lot of time on fanfic. But this story does have an ending so don't worry.
> 
> This transition scene might seem a little awkward because I lost the original chapter so I had to make this up as a bridge between what had happened and what is going to happen. So apologies if it seems a little odd. Hope everyone still enjoys though!

Spending a night in their home was amazing. Neil never wanted to get out of bed. They each took a long shower and then crawled into bed together. Neil didn't know having a home, having a bed could be so great. He dreamed of it but he never really thought it would be reality.

But despite how great being home was, now that there was someone arrested for the crime they were able to move through the gates with ease so it was back down to the lower level they went. Mostly because the others needed to blow off steam. No one had really done anything since the news.

Neither Neil nor Andrew actually went inside of Eden's Twilight. They stood in the sweltering air sweating in the night time. It was extremely hot and humid outside of the clinic controlled upper rings. Andrew smoked quietly next to Neil. Neal knew he hadn't wanted to go out but he went for Aaron and Kevin. Andrew was also there because even though Aaron wanted to stop using drugs after everything that happened neither of them were sure he would be able to. During training camp he had definitely been tense and irritable. Neil didn't know if he'd be able to resist that night.

The brick wall they were leaning against was still heated from the sun earlier that day. The building vibrated in time with the music and the blue light in the windows spilled onto Neil and Andrew.

"I have a bad feeling about going down to the station," Neil finally said. Wymack Head shown up to give Neil a rundown of what was going to happen and said he would be by in the morning to pick Neil up. Andrew only grunted and lit a new cigarette. He passed it to Neil and Neil held it while staring at Andrew. 

"I'm trying to figure out if you got hit in the head during training camp. You have a bad feeling. That's a first. I almost want to take a picture," Andrew told Neil. He sounded angry but Neil just rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious," Neil told him.

"So am I," Andrew said and took back the cigarette. Neil knew he couldn't expect Andrew to be nice when he was so agitated by being out of their apartment out in the open where anything could apparently happen. But Neil was still annoyed. Not a Andrew but everything happening was so messed up and bizarre and he hated being dragged into it when it wasn't actually his fault. He was afraid that someone was going to uncover something that would send him away. Away from this life away from Andrew and he would be powerless to stop it.

Andrew was obviously picking up on that annoyance and only seemed to be able to poke the fire. It was probably just a coping mechanism because neither of them were in a good place.

"When I get back home tomorrow," Neil finally said, "let's do something nice. Just the two of us."

Andrew snorted. "I'm not leaving the room again until practice starts up again." 

Neil knew he was serious. Andrew had already yelled at Kevin about leaving the apartment and while Neil didn't put a pass Kevin to attempt again he didn't think Andrew would be quote endquote nice again.

"We can just do something in the apartment. In our room," Neil told Andrew. He just needed to do something to make things feel right again. Andrew looked at him and Neil felt like you could see the anxiety written on his face. Andrew stomped on his cigarette putting it out. He stepped closer to Neil so that they were chest to chest.

"Stop acting weird," Andrew huffed. "Annoyance doesn't look good on you."

Neil rolle dhis eyes. "I'm just worried."

"No see that is uncharacteristic too," Andrew said and Neil guessed he had a point. Andrew reached up and gently ran his fingers along Neil's jaw. Neil swallowed hard.

"I don't want to lose this," Neil said roughly. The word stuck like glue in his throat. It hurt to push them out into the open. "I don't want to lose you," he whispered.

Andrew was quiet for a moment before moving even closer to Neil. "You won't," Andrew said but Neil shook his head.

"There is so much bad in my past," Neil said forcing back a sob. "They could find everything out and all of this could be over. It's so easy. I mean look at Riko. If he can die just like that then what is keeping me from meeting the same fate?"

"You aren't going to die. They aren't going to kill you," Andrew growled and Neil finally did solve. Andrew dug his fingers into the side of Neil's face. "Look at me," he demanded but Neil shut his eyes and shook his head. "Look at me!" Andrew snapped. It took a moment but Neil opened watery eyes and looked at him. Andrew's eyes looked like they were on fire. A hazel flame cast in a strange blue light. Neil could count on his fingers the times he had seen Andrew so angry. "You are not going to die. You are not going to lose this. I won't let any of that happen."

Neil wanted to tell him the problem was there was no way to be certain. It was all the what ifs that were eating him alive. But instead he said nothing only nodded along hoping he could find a way to fully believe Andrew.

Neil didn't let any tears fall but when Andrew gently pressed his lips to Neil's they almost did.

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to write this chapter. Enjoy!

Wymack arrived at the apartment unannounced to accompany Neil to the police station. He said he was going so there was no funny business. Neil wasn't clear on whether Wymack thought he'd do something stupid or the police would.

The consensus seemed to be Neil would do something stupid though.

Wymack ate breakfast with Neil, Andrew, and Kevin. None of them spoke and Neil was the only one who looked up at any point during the meal. He had made Andrew breakfast that everyone knew Andrew wouldn't touch. 

To no one's surprise, Andrew didn't eat but he did at least drink his orange juice. Once they were all finished Andrew went and locked himself in the bedroom. Neil wasn't surprised and Wymack didn't comment.

The ride down to the police station was quiet. Neil tried not to think too hard about what could possibly happen but it didn't help that Wymack definitely seemed on edge.

Neil opened his mouth a few times considering small talk but shut it knowing anything he said would eventually turn into conversations he didn't want to have. Conversations about what happened when they found out everything and made him leave.

Walking into the station felt like a death sentence. It was even worse than when they had come the first time. At least then they had been told why they were there but this time? Neil had no idea. They kept saying it was follow up questions but that didn't really mean anything. Apparently they had caught who had done it so the only reason Neil was there was because they knew everything about his past. That was the only explanation.

"Whatever happens," Wymack said as they took a seat in the waiting area after Neil signed in. "Whatever happens I am right here."

Neil could only nod. Fear had tied his tongue into a knot and clogged his throat. If he were anyone else he would probably cry.

They called him back within seconds of taking a seat. Neil stood and Wymack gave him a nod before Neil headed back with the officer.

A strange thing happened when Neil left the waiting area. The fear evaporated as his brain melted back into a different time when he was walking down the hallway to meet his father. He hadn't thought about his father and what he had done in a long time. But at that moment, his brain was trying to remind him that whatever happened it couldn't be as bad. The police weren't going to do him bodily harm. They might but they probably wouldn't put on a show to do it.

Neil and the pig stopped in front of a door. It was a plain office door with a nameplate reading R Adams. The pig opened the door for Neil and gestured him inside. Once Neil was in the dim room the door was shut. And Neil was alone.

Or not.

There were no windows in the room and Neil stood in front of the only door. Most of the room was taken up by a large desk. Behind the large desk set a young man with familiar sharp features and dark raven eyes. Any air in Neil's lungs disappeared.

"Sit down Neil," The man said and Neil never sat so fast. Goosebumps covered Neil's skin as he waited for the man to continue. "I'll try to keep this brief," he said folding long elegant fingers on top of the desk. "If you are anything like my brother then you have been hit in the head too many times to understand anything even remotely complex or long."

The insult stung but Neil knew better than to take the bait. The silence made the man smile.

"Well Neil Josten I guess I will start by saying I know you are Nathaniel Wesninski."

Bile burned Neil's throat but he didn't say anything. He said frozen in his seat as the man continued.

"I've known for quite a while and honestly it didn't bother me. Sure your mother stole a lot of money but what is a few million when your family owns the entire world?”

Neil’s blood went cold and the man smiled wide. “I see the gears in your tiny brain trying to piece it all together. As I said I would keep this short and simple, so let’s start when you were first drafted. I put some of the best people into figuring out who you were and if you were a threat. See, I quite enjoy sports and your story seemed off. It took a while so I will commend you there but we found out eventually. I was shocked but it wasn't enough to deal with personally. The problem was Riko. When brats don't get their way they tend to make trouble and that's what he did. You didn't want to play his little game so your identity got out and was going to be spilled by the wrong people unless I stopped it, “he paused, pulling a gun out and laying it on the desk. Neil tried not to stare at it. “I'm sure you are asking yourself, who is this man? And did he kill Riko?" the man paused as if waiting for Neil to actually ask the questions but Neil didn't. He already knew the answer. "It's a pity he had to go,” the man finally continued with no remorse in his voice. “Riko was quite good at playing and I do like betting on sports. So here is the new deal. You and your little team are going to win finals. All of your winnings will go to me as well as me raking in the cash from betting on your team winning. I'm sure that will be more than enough to pay for what your family stole. Failure to do so will end in your elimination. So see? It's quite simple."

"Ichirou Moriyama," Neil whispered after letting the threat settle in the room. The man nodded.

"That took you way too long to figure out but I will let it slide knowing you are just a stupid low-born human who spends his time getting hit in the head." Ichirou sighed and stood up. The gun disappeared from the desk but Neil didn’t feel any safer. "What I am asking of you is simple. And as I am someone who doesn't do favors expect me to show up randomly in your life when I need you to win. I will never ask you to lose because that is too easy. Too boring. I want you to win or you will be taken out. Simple." And with that he walked out of the room and let the door slip shut behind him.

Neil sat frozen, staring at the chair Ichirou had been sitting in a moment before. His brain was still trying to process everything that had just happened. His heart was racing and his lungs wheezed. He wasn't getting enough air but he didn't have the brain power to care. By all accounts he should be dead. 

He could be dead in a matter of months. 

Knowing that sent a chill down his spine. There would be no escaping this time. Ichirou had put him in check.

Neil took a deep breath in attempt to calm himself a little bit but finally getting air just made him laugh. Of course this was the game rich people played when they were bored. They didn't do anything simple, they had to toy with actual human lives. Neil laughed some more. And of course losing was the easier option. He had no control over their team winning. The Foxes had been good but to go out there and win? 

He wanted to. 

They all wanted to. 

But it wasn't up to them.

It wasn't up to him.

Neil laughed so hard he thought he would cry and then he stopped. He was sure that if he were to immediately look in the mirror he would see a dead expression looking back at him. For a moment Neil felt dead inside. Dead because this was actually the end of the road. 

Maybe he would go off a cliff.

And maybe he wouldn't.

Neil stood and exited the office heading back towards the waiting room. He hadn't decided if he would tell Wymack. He wasn't sure he would be believed if he did anyway. All Neil knew was that they had to win. That was all that mattered. That was how he stayed alive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been awhile and I've forgotten most of my original ideas for this. Whoops. So the end will be the same but the path to get there is a little different so if some things don't quite line up I'm sorry and I hope that you can still enjoy this fic. Let's get to the end!

Neil picked at the couch. It had been three days and he hadn’t told anyone about his meeting at the police station. He just shrugged it off telling everyone he was fine but with the looks everyone gave him he knew his lie was as see through as brand new glass.

Part of the problem was he didn’t know how to tell people everything that had gone done. Neil knew he couldn’t walk into practice and say hey I met Riko’s psycho brother who threatened to kill me if we didn’t win finals. Oh by the way he killed his brother too! Shocking I know.

Neil briefly considered disappearing into the underground. He was pretty sure he could do it except he couldn’t do sensors. That would tip Ichirou off.

But Neil ultimately nixed the plan because he knew when Andrew found him he’d strangle Neil with his bare hands and kill him for being such an idiot..

Neil groaned, throwing his head back against the couch.

“You finally gonna talk?” Andrew asked from next to Neil without looking away from the screen.

“I’m fine,” Neil grumbled. Old habits die hard. 

“I’ve never seen Kevin turn purple from yelling so much,” Andrew said, ignoring Neil. Andrew's words were like a knife in the wound that was Neil’s life. He’d been a wreck at his extra practices with Kevin the last two days and he though Kevin was actually going to murder him.

Of course he heard nothing Kevin was yelling and was too busy trying not to panic over the fact that if he continued to play like shit then he was a walking dead man. 

“There is a rumor that they are going to upgrade athlete sensors,” Andrew said, shifting the conversation. Neil was annoyed that Andrew pointing that out made him stressed in another way and that felt nice. “I don’t want to go back on those meds,” Andrew told him finally turning to look at Neil with big hazel eyes. Neil knew Andrew’s therapist was trying everything in her power to get Andrew cleared of the drugs, but everything that had happened only complicated the process.

“You won’t,” Neil said firmly. Andrew put a warm hand on Neil’s knee and Neil reached out to cover Andrew’s hands. "I don’t...I don’t know what words to use to explain everything.”

Andrew stared at him for a moment. “I think that’s the most honest thing you've ever said,” Andrew finally said and Neil blushed.

“When I figure it out I’ll tell you,” Neil told him. He left out that he didn’t know if he’d ever figure out the right words.

Andrew nodded, leaning down and kissing the back of Neil’s hand.

Their first official practice of the season was a mess because Neil was still a mess. 

So much of a mess that Wymack benched him until further notice and he was too numb for it to make much of an impact. 

“Neil everyone is really worried,” Dan said gently after holding him back after practice. “The last few months have been a mess and if you need time or a break-”

“I don’t,” Neil cut in. Dan sighed heavily. 

“Tell us how to help you,” Dan finally said. Neil shook his head. 

“I’m fine,” Neil said and that made her angry, but Wymack interrupted before she could yell. He looked unusually pale as he handed the print out to Neil. 

Neil had never felt anger like he felt when he read the order. If Dan hadn’t grabbed his stick he would have smashed it.

“We are trying to do everything we can to prevent this,” Wymack said but Neil just heard roaring in his ears.

The courts wanted to fit Andrew with an upgraded sensor and because of their recent arrests, it was also an order for Kevin, Jean, and Neil to get one so that their emotions could be monitored and subdued to avoid further issues.

It was to happen in two weeks.

Neil crumpled the paper in his hand. He threw the paper at Andrew who was waiting on the bench while the others showered. By the look on his face he didn’t know.

As Andrew read the order Neil threw his helmet against the lockers and then wrenched his locker open to pull out his phone. He wasn’t surprised there was a message from a blocked number. 

WHY NOT MAKE THINGS INTERESTING? It read and Neil laughed bitterly as he threw his phone on the ground and stomped on it with his heel as Andrew cracked his own helmet against the wall.

The three of them set in a sterile room at the hospital waiting. Deals couldn’t be made to avoid it and Neil knew why. He’d spent the last the last fourteen practicing on dismantling the new ones. Even Rolland and his dogs volunteered to be test subjects for Neil.

He knew that the moment the drugs entered his system the difficulty would amp up, but he wanted to be ready.

It was all he could do.

Kevin had gone silent at practice and Andrew’s anxiety was at an all time high. Neil hadn’t been sleeping, too busy trying to soothe Andrew. 

It was like fighting a losing battle. Neil had thrown away anything sharp in their apartment too afraid of the fragile states of the people he lived with. But at the same time it left no time to worry about himself and Neil was eternally grateful for that. If he decided to be a mess too then none of them would survive and Ichirou would take three people out and watch the Foxes crumble.

Neil hadn’t asked about Jean. Out of sight, out of mind. He didn’t feel bad about Jean but if he figured out what to do then he’d help Jean when they had their first match against the Trojans. 

The doctor and two nurses entered the room and Neil leaned back in his chair. He was sure he was about to make things worse, but Ichirou was the one who said he wanted things to be interesting.

“So what was the pay out?” Neil asked the doctor who refused to look at him as they went to Kevin first. “I sure hope it was worth it,” Neil taunted and caught Kevin’s eye. “Don’t worry they can’t kill you,” he said.

“Neil,” Andrew warned through gritted teeth. Neil waved him off.

“They don’t get paid if they kill any of us,” Neil said as he watched them fit Kevin with a sensor and move to Andrew. 

“Neil,” Andrew said, his voice tight like he was suffocating. Neil met his eyes and gave him a grin. 

“You know there was a time I lived in a house no bigger than this room,” Neil told Andrew. “But that was where we lived with the houses close enough to walk over the roofs. I wasn’t supposed to but you know that I did it anyway. I was young, stupid and so convinced that I could touch the sunset if I walked enough,” Neil explained. “The summer sun was so hot there but it turned everything to gold,” Neil said keeping his eyes on Andrew as his sensor was sewed up. 

He was pretty sure Andrew was still breathing when the doctors turned to him. “We get a bonus if you scream,” the doctor said as a nurse dug a scalpel into Neil’s arm without numbing it. Neil ground his teeth. 

“It’ll take more than that,” Neil spat and fire licked up his arm. They weren’t gentle or careful and it made Neil’s eyes water.

But he would not scream.

He didn’t not scream. 

Even when the medication was brought out.

“He said you’d be the most fun to shut up,” the doctor hissed at Neil as Neil was injected. Neil just grinned and turned his head to meet Andrew’s eyes. 

“See you on the other side,” Neil said and rolled his head back to the doctor. He flexed his aching arm and almost puked but instead laughing. “Tell Ichirou I still plan to win,” Neil told the doctor and blacked out.


	13. Chapter 13

Neil had been on all sorts of pain killers before but that didn’t prepare him for whatever mind numbing drug had been pumped into him. 

Their house felt like it was full of zombies; a joke he tried to tell Nicky but it took his three minutes to realize he had never opened his mouth.

Practice was… it was like trying to fill a cup with water but that cup had a giant gaping hole in the bottom. 

It was like everything had severe lag but also Neil didn’t give a shit? He could barely be bothered to breathe. No wonder Andrew had wanted to play sober…

And taking the drugs was a compulsion. He was always in the bathroom at the right time opening the cabinet and retrieving the bottle without even remembering when he’d stood up. He was just there dry swallowing pills and watching Andrew do the same. 

Neil only really thought about Andrew in his dreams. Neil would wake up from a dream about Andrew’s lips on his and then he’d turn to the man asleep next to him and what…? Andrew was another human.

Just another human and the thought felt so  _ wrong _ but it was the only thing Neil could think when he was awake.

It was true about everyone. Neil barely knew how to exist and he barely noticed others existing. 

Time was meaningless but their first game was approaching. Neil watched a lot of Exy from the bench. It wasn’t that bad since he felt like he was always perpetually zoned out

Aaron was the first to snap.

It was Aaron right?

Andrew’s twin slammed Neil against the wall outside the locker room after practice one day, hissing and spitting in Neil’s face. Neil wasn’t really listening to the words, he was noticing how different Aaron looked compared to Andrew even though they were identical.

“Don’t fucking check me out!” Aaron snapped. Neil blinked slowly at him. Aaron was sweaty from practice and his face was pinched in anger and all Neil could see was that Aaron had once broken his nose and he’d had stitches above his left eye fairly recently. 

“When did you break your nose?” Neil asked, the way Aaron’s expression turned livid told Neil that he had opened his mouth and spoken that time.

“I’m telling you to get your fucking shit together! You said you had this and you’ve done shit!” Aaron spat, shaking Neil and cracking his head against the wall.

It was like a fire ripped through Neil. he vaguely remembered that the drugs had different triggers for different responses and his was apparently pain.

Neil locked his hands around Aaron’s wrists and squeezed.

“You are just fucking like him,” Aaron snarled.

“Don’t touch me again,” Neil warned, his voice sounded unfamiliar to his own ears.

“You said you had this under control,” Aaron told him. Neil wasn’t sure what Aaron was talking about but that didn’t matter. Neil was always in control.

Whatever evil Aaron unearthed in Neil was fading fast and Neil let go of Aaron’s wrists. Aaron dropped his own hands. 

“Once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit,” Aaron muttered and went into the locker room leaving Neil standing alone in the hall.

Was he supposed to do something?


End file.
